An open letter to the person who stole my handbag

Dear Dum Dum,

I would like to personally and whole heartedly congratulate you on the successful pilferage of my handbag.

Your mother must be incredibly proud of the well rounded human being she managed to raise. However, I'd like to take the time to point out something which your mother clearly failed to pass on. It is my sincerest hope that this insight might help guide you in your chosen career of "criminal mastermind".

When a woman willingly leaves her bag lying on a park bench whilst blissfully pushing her child on the swings chances are there is little in the bag which she is concerned about losing.

The cash which you so desperately wanted was safely tucked into my back pocket and my front door keys nestled in my coat pocket.

I do hope that you are pleased with your haul of a Dora the Explorer juice bottle, a half eaten apple, a packet of wet wipes, two flowery hair clips and a small but necessary supply of tampons.

These items will no doubt bring in gargantuan sums of money on the black market (ebay).

Finally, if your actual target was the handbag itself, I'll quickly point out that the bag was handmade by me. Should anyone admire the beautiful craftsmanship of said bag I would be very grateful if you would kindly direct them to my Folksy shop where they will be spoilt for choice.

You may also supply them with the promotional code "NEENAW". Any customer quoting this one time only promotional code will receive free postage and packaging. Their order will be dispatched immediately and hand delivered by a member of the local constabulary.

Kindest regards.

Leanne (Meh!) Woods.


  1. Dude got Dora swag AND tampons?!?

    Now he can finance his dream of sharks with fricken laser beams.

  2. This post really made me smile. Sorry about the bag tho. It just makes you think the worst of people when something like this happens. Well done for keeping the keys and money safe. I need to start doing that - i'm always leaving my bag on my buggy!

  3. I'm sorry your bag got stolen, but I'm laughing so hard! Isn't it amazing the things people will take and thing they're getting something good? I was visiting the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and had a handful of pads in the outer pocket of my purse. Somewhere inside I guess someone decided they needed them more than I did, because I didn't have them when I left *L* I gotta say, if I were a thief I'd be mightily disappointed that my efforts went towards stealing period supplies!! Serves 'em right I say!

  4. I don't know, Leanne. Sometimes having a packet of wet wipes is worth all the money in the world. ;)

  5. Oh no :( - but oh yeah - they got nuthin'!

    Who says crime pays?

  6. You make me cry - you make me laugh!!! After being burgled nothing surprises me anymore. xx

  7. What a smart post! Love it! Hope you get some orders off of your clever words... :)


Your comments make me smile. I love that you stopped by.