A bad week

I've been a bit depressed this last week. Well maybe depressed isn't the right word, I've been a bit down in the dumps and completely unmotivated.

I was grateful for the menu plan last week, because in all honesty if I didn't have it I would have fed everyone cereal and toast for each meal.

I can't seem to get in the mind frame to do anything properly.

I haven't made anything in almost a week now. I've started things and spent some time doodling ideas but at the end of the day I decide that either everything is crap or just not worth the effort.

I've painted my nails and bought a few colour samples to start redecorating the house (which is very daunting at the minute), but still I just can't seem to shake off whatever feeling it is that has taken hold of me. Its kind of a "why bother" sort of feeling.

I even tried to make Toots a cutesy little snack lunch today simply for the sake of doing something creative;

Let me tell you, having a four year old look at you like you've grown horns and are more than a little pathetic really feels like rock bottom. She didn't open her mouth, she just looked at the plate and then looked at me as though saying "Who are you trying to kid. You don't even do cutesy food when you're in a paint flicking mood".

In all fairness to her she's completely right. I've never been a big fan of the whole Annabel Karmel thing. If that woman's perfectly contend to prepare one meal for herself and then an entirely separate for her kids then more power to her, but I've an inkling that when those kids step out into the real world and sit down to a school lunch, they're in for one hell of a surprise. And not the good kind of surprise either. Besides, I think Toots might have read Kitchen Confidential on the sly because if I go to the bother of trying to make food all pretty and cutesy she's convinced that I'm trying to trick her into eating something that actually tastes disgusting.

I'm more of the "social eating" school of thinking, i.e. the family sitting down together to eat exactly the same thing as each other, and enjoy the meal and have a chat. Thankfully, it seems Toots agrees.

I haven't really slept properly in what seems like months, although changing our diet in the last week does seem to have helped somewhat. I thought that I had been doing a fairly good job of hiding my utter exhaustion, but it seems not when you consider the fact that on both Saturday morning and this morning, Toots woke at 7am and then went downstairs and made breakfast by herself. Her excuse was that "you needed a lie in, mummy".

I love that kid, and she's about the only reason I have for wanting to pull myself out of this mood.

Perhaps its been the weather here, lately its been so changeable and makes it virtually impossible to plan anything and I'm nothing without a plan. It could also be the thought of redecorating. I have too many ideas in my head all at once and the task seems to me to be so daunting that I just switch off from the idea.

There is a small ray of sunlight on the horizon though. Last week I posted a request for a sewing machine on my local Freecycle and within hours had received the offer of two, a Brother Zig Zag and a Crown Point.

I collected the Crown Point on Thursday evening and it is working beautifully. I contacted the owner of the Brother machine (which you'll recall needs some repairs) and told her that it seemed a little greedy of me to take two machines and that I had a good feeling that the Brother simply needed a fuse or two and a good service and would she not be happier to do this herself and keep it as a spare machine, but she told me that she was still more than happy for me to take it and it wouldn't do me any harm having a second machine and that even if it couldn't' be repaired, perhaps the feet and needles could be used with the Crown Point.

I collected the Brother on Friday evening and I'm very happy I did. I haven't had a chance to look at it properly yet, but after a good clean it really is a beautiful old machine just to look at. I think ever if I'm unsuccessful in making it work it is still a thing of real beauty and interest to have on display in a room.

Except now I'm in a complete tizz about what to make with them first.

Veering wildly to a different (but not completely unrelated) topic, I've also been offered the use of a beautiful cottage on the north coast of Ireland. The husband knows were it is and says that it will be perfect for a few days away. Now we just have to wait for Toots' holiday list to arrive from the school and we'll which days we're good to go.