Not my 100th post

This is not my 100th post but I’m going to shamelessly pilfer the idea from almost every blog I’ve read and give you 100 facts about me…whether you want them or not.

1. I’ve been bitten by a dog twice, but still love them.

2. I’ve been bitten by a cat once and now I stay well clear.

3. I once accidentally ran through a plate glass door.

4. I skipped the first two months of my second to last year of school.

5. I got caught and my mum gave me the look, which as a mother I would love to have mastered by now, but haven’t.

6. I once ran away from home. I lasted two weeks but called my mum everyday.

7. I fell into a skip (big dumpster with a low side for wheelbarrow access) when I was 14 because I was too busy looking at a boy.

8. I am an occasional smoker and by that I mean I occasionally smoke for four years and quit for two.

9. I wish I hadn’t mentioned that last one because it’s a filthy disgusting habit and I’m weak for not being able to break it.

10. I have a full on girly crush on Mark Harmon.

11. I secretly have a thing for a lot of older men with grey hair, especially if they seem like they’re smarter than me. Weird, I know.

12. I don’t think Sean Connery is attractive.

13. I laugh hysterically in my sleep. It has been recorded on a number of occasions.

14. I play on toots little swing even though I really don’t fit on it.

15. I hate the beach, but love the sea.

16. I’ve passed every mock exam I’ve ever taken with flying colours, but barely made it through the ones that count by the skin of my teeth.

17. I went to a grammar school.

18. I have been hired for jobs based on the fact that I went to a grammar school even though I was ridiculously under qualified.

19. When I first typed grammar I spelt it with an “e”.

20. I can’t drive. I lived five minutes from anywhere I wanted to be growing up and I just never got round to learning.

21. I don’t regret that I can’t drive, I like to walk and I’m used to it. I do know a lot of people who regret (thinking) that they need to drive.

22. I genuinely believe that I could kill a man if he harmed my daughter.

23. I sat by her bed every night for three weeks after she came home from the hospital and slept curled around her during he day.

24. I can’t have any more children.

25. I can’t remember anything for three days after having her and have a lot of photos I have no recollection of.

26. I requested copies of my maternity notes and records through the law firm I worked at when I went back to work but didn’t read them for another eight months.

27. I had nightmares for a month after I read them and cursed my curiosity.

28. I have two tattoos, one tribal symbol on my stomach, which is now very misshapen and a pink flying elephant at the base of my neck. The first was a gift from my husband and the second was a bored Sunday trying to prove to a friend that getting a tattoo doesn’t actually hurt.

29. I prefer the winter. In fact I absolutely love winter.

30. I love scarves and hot chocolate.

31. I have been mistaken for a French woman on more than one occasion because of the scarves and hot chocolate.

32. I am a dyed in the wool 80s rock chick even though I came out of the 80s at age 10.

33. I can’t abide people who say they don’t like something when they have never tried it.

34. I’m that annoying person who will torture you until you try the thing you claim to dislike.

35. I will eat absolutely anything and my friends take advantage of this at every opportunity.

36. I think Carrie Bradshaw is a prude and has no business writing a sex column.

37. I could run my washing machine constantly for a week and still the laundry wouldn’t be finished

38. I hate “perfect”. I am perfectly content with “finished”.

39. I buy lots of moisturiser but always forget to use it.

40. I don’t really like flowers, I prefer greenery.

41. Green is my favourite colour, I used to think it was blue but I was wrong. It has always been green.

42. I call teenage girls who wear nothing but baby pink and white “princess marshmallow”.

43. I think Madonna should seriously consider retirement before she hurts herself.

44. My brother and I hated each other until I moved out and now we’re the best of friends.

45. I find it very hard to believe that I am no longer sixteen.

46. My house is usually chaotic. I think it would be great to have someone come in and do the cleaning but in reality I would probably clean before they got here in case they thought bad things about me.

47. I take hundreds of photos and never print them because I am useless with a camera.

48. I only learnt to knit because I was annoyed nobody knitted anything for toots when she was born.

49. Knitting is the easiest thing in the world; however crochet is the required entrance exam for Mensa.

50. I can’t crochet.

51. This REALLY annoys me.

52. I speed read. I have read every book I own at least three times and I can guarantee it will still sound new the next time I read it.

53. I’m looking out of my living room window wondering when it got dark and if I can get away with not feeding my husband tonight.

54. If I had started a swear box when I was a teenager I could retire by now.

55. I always think I’m a decent stomach flu away from my ideal weight.

56. I don’t get air guitar. If you can’t, don’t. Would you jump out of a plane pretending you had a parachute? No, thought not.

57. Playing with a plastic guitar is not air guitar no matter what Rock Heroes would lead you to believe.

58. People in this country hate white van drivers. I miss my husband’s big white van.

59. Himself and I got married for a free upgrade on a holiday and decided we quite liked the idea of being married about two days before the wedding.

60. My wedding cost £34.00.

61. Had I booked it a month earlier it would have cost £30.

62. I actually do call toots “toots”. It isn’t just a bloggy thing.

63. I never think to make toast for myself, but have to have it if someone else does.

64. I love to light the fire and curl up in front of it, but only do it at Christmas in case the novelty wears off.

65. I love handbags and shoes; they’re a fat girl’s best friends.

66. I am fat.

67. I’m secular humanist. If you had asked me in my teens I would have said I was atheist but I’m much happier now I’m in charge of what I do.

68. I’m an early bird and a night owl.

69. Until I had toots I rarely had more than four hours sleep a night, now six is plenty.

70. I think I should have been born in Spain and plan to retire there. The idea of a siesta appeals to me.

71. I would love to visit Honk Kong but can’t imagine doing it with a child in tow.

72. I quite fancy the idea of writing a cookery book.

73. I am convinced that one day I will win the lottery, hopefully this will be the day I actually spend £1 and do the lottery.

74. I went on honeymoon to Egypt and would go back tomorrow. I think I could spend ten years there and not see everything I want to see.

75. When I went to Las Vegas I thought I could spend a day and visit all the casinos (because I’m an idiot). It took three.

76. I don’t like IPod. Creative is the king of all MP3 players.

77. I won’t eat fish or seafood caught by a trawler.

78. I don’t have any problem with eating cows and chickens since we’re the only ones on the planet that do.

79. Although, I don’t really like meat, if I’m honest. I maybe eat it once a week.

80. I keep a jar of Nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread) in the fridge and eat I with a spoon straight from the jar.

81. I love Christmas but I’m not bonkers about any of the other holidays.

82. Actually that was a lie. I kind of like Halloween.

83. I would quite like smaller boobs. I think bras fall into three categories; pretty, supportive and the one I where, scaffolding.

84. I don’t wear makeup, but I probably should.

85. I’ve tried the cabbage soup diet….and the colour diet, but I didn’t really understand that one.

86. I spent a lot of my time as a child with my great aunt. She was very old fashioned and a proper lady. Because of this.

87. I never chew gum.

88. I can’t bring myself to cross my legs at the knee, only at the ankle.

89. I can’t let toots out of the house with bare shoulders, even to play in her paddling pool.

90. My great aunt spoiled me rotten and regularly gave me mandarin oranges served on a silver platter. And I’m not kidding.

91. I think cereal is a perfectly acceptable evening meal.

92. I’m very impatient and because of that I’m probably going to post this way before my hundredth post.

93. I might actually post a picture of myself for my hundredth post.

94. I love kid’s movies. My current favourite is “Over the Hedge”.

95. I like Pepsi, not Coke. Full fat, not diet.

96. If I could start every meal with dessert, I would.

97. I hate vacuuming. I was once PMSing and got tangled in the vacuum cable. It kept getting in the way and it made me cry a little. I’ve never gotten over it.

98. My mum’s dog Bruno died just over six months ago and toots still talks about him like he’s in the room. I think this is normal. Kids are supposed to be like that, aren’t they?

99. I’m convinced I can swim even though I haven’t been in a pool in ten years. I might be in for a surprise.

100. Himself and I are the youngest couple on our road. The neighbours loved us until we got married and have barely acknowledged us since.