Things I learned at my daughter's party.

There will always be one kid who will refuse to play on the (free) huge three storey play frame when there are arcade type games which need to be paid for and for which they will hit up every adult in the building for money.

There will always be an adult willing to make a complete fool of himself while still holding on to his title of "Most Awesomest Man in the Whole Wide World Ever".

My mum is completely incapable of watching my daughter play in a place like that without almost being sick with fear every time the child comes down the three storey slide.

Kids actually eat cake, not just the frosting.

Kids are still rearing to go long after the adults are exhausted.

There are still some parents who will

Receive: an invitation to a birthday party and;

See: an offer of free childcare for the afternoon.

Unfortunately, these parents only told their kids that they were leaving (not the most intelligent couple). We didn't actually notice they had disappeared until a full hour into the party when their son needed to use the bathroom.

Their Punishment: I left out bowls of grapes, chopped strawberries and clementines for the kids to snack on while they played. My mum put out bowls of Princess marshmallows, giant Cadbury's chocolate buttons and gummy bears. A cinema sized bag of each.

It seems that all the kids with a parent present were steered in the direction of the fruit. I was busy setting up the cake and balloons in the birthday room and, I'm told that the two kids were able to work their way through all the junk on the table because everyone thought their parents were still around and just didn't mind them eating that stuff.

Then after the kids meals were served and eaten they each ate two portions of ice cream, a piece of cake, plus the entire contents of their party bags.

If her kids are anything like mine she'll spend at least 12 hours out of the next 48 in the bathroom with them. I sincerely hope the two hours of peace and quiet she had while her kids were at the party were worth it.

Things I overheard at the party

"I need £1 for the go carts and I don't have any money. Can you give me £1 for the go carts?
"Aw sweetie, I'm just here to clear the tables, where's you mummy?" (not my kid)

"I'm batman"
"No I'm batman"
"no you're not, I'm batman"
"Ha you crashed and you're dead. I'm batman" (not my kid)

"Sir the sign clearly says that the go carts are for kids under 8"
"They're not fast enough anyway" (not even a kid)

"Mummy, can I please eat his eyes?" (my kid)

Hey at least she said please.


  1. Glad you survived!

    Just think what it would have been like in your house or your mums!

  2. In defense of the shitty couple, I always ask if parents are expected/invited to stay. Sometimes, it's supposed to be a kids party, sometimes not.

    Were they one of the first ones to arrive maybe?

    (Also? Go polite zombie preschooler!)

  3. LOL...I love your attitude on the disappearing parents! I can't believe they didn't say anything! I mean this is a 4 year olds party right? Who just leaves their 3/4 year old without letting someone know, or an emergency phone number or instructions or something! I say well deserved
    Thanks for coming by my blog and commenting :-)


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